The Czar Speaks Again

Eveyone has done this in their minds or in a bar somewhere.  Heck, I did it a year or so ago.  Listing things I would change about sports if I was the "Czar Of Sports". 

Last year, however, I did some radical thinking.  Things like making the basketball court wider...hockey rink bigger...stuff like that.  So what little changes would I make this go around???

                                  

*DH IN ALL STAR GAME.  The MLB All Star Game is an exhibition....so why have the pitcher's hit??  Well, they really don't since those hitters on the bench come up for them anyways.  So why not just have the DH mandatory at every All Star Game?  Czar says it shall be!

*MLB ALL STAR GAME MEANS NOTHING.  Oh, and while we are at it...the winner of the All Star Game doesn't get home field advantage.  That is the dumbest idea of all time.  Why should the least important game [the All Star game] decide the site of the most important game of the year [World Series game 7]??  And it hasn't helped ratings for the game at all...so what is the point??  The luster of the All Star game went out the window with interleague play. 

*GET RID OF THE NFL ALL PRO GAME.  Sorry that I'm on the All Star tip...but do we need this game to be played??  The game is held one week after the most important sporting day of the year....and no one really cares.  I'm a football NUT and I don't know when was the last time I watched this bore-fest.  Heck, the guys that are named to the team don't even play since they are busy getting work done on their aches and bruises.  Oh, and players from the 20 teams that didn't make the playoffs haven't played for 5-6 weeks!!!! 

*NFL, STOP THE CLOCK AFTER 1ST DOWNS.  Just in the final 5 minutes of each half.  Hey, they do it with the out-of-bounds now....so why not the 1st downs??  One of the cool things about college football is watching a team frantically move down the field in the closing minutes.  NFL games would be even more exciting!!! 

*GET RID OF THE TWO MINUTE WARNING.  Not the blog that I contribute to....but the NFL's 2 minute warning.  If my above proposition comes into effect....do we really need the TMW??  I mean, what is even the point of it?  Is it like a national pee break?  Does it allow the networks to get in all those advertisements that hadn't aired yet?  It is for.........dramatic pause??  Get it out of there!

                      

*LET NBA OFFICIALS WEAR SHORTS TOO.  Most of us have played rec sports...and most remember hoops officials wearing shorts.  In the NBA, players essentially dress in their underwear to play.  So why do the officials have to wear slacks?  Yep...I'm getting old because I just said "slacks".

*MAKE BOXING JUDGES SCORECARDS PUBLIC DURING THE FIGHT.  I don't know why they don't.  Well, except that most boxing secrets are dirty, anyways.  I mean, every other sport has a scoreboard...why not a fight?  And I'm sure you'd get much better action in those last few rounds if one of those guys figures he can't win without a knockout. 

*WHAT TO DO WITH NEW ORLEANS TEAMS.  SAINTS-let them play in San Antonio this year...then next season, have them play in the Independence Bowl in Shreveport.  Keep 'em there until something is figured out with the Superdome.  HORNETS-move 'em out.  The team didn't have a foot hold in the Crescent City anyways...so just let them find somewhere knew to play. 

*PUT BYU AND UTAH IN THE PAC-10.  Since it is heading to all these football conferences becoming mega conferences...might as well facilitate it now.  Both of these schools have solid basketball and football programs and would fit the Pac-10 lifestyle of twin teams [Stanford-Cal, UCLA-USC, Zona-Zona State, Wash-Wash St, Oregon-Oregon St].  Then take Boise State from the WAC and slide them in the Mountain West. 

*PUT NOTRE DAME IN BIG TEN.  Why not?  I know the Irish are bent on keeping their tradition alive....but that all changes.  Dude, you are in the same boat as Temple!!!!  The Irish routinely play Michigan, Michigan State and Purdue....why not take on Wisconsin and Illinois too??  With the 12-game schedule coming...they still could keep USC and Navy on their docket.

                            

*SPLIT UP THE BIG EAST.  I know, they haven't even played in the new 16 team format yet.  Well...don't.  It is a bad idea.  How will a 16-team league function??  Oh, yeah...ask the WAC.  Go ahead and create a football league [UConn, WV, Rutgers, Cincy, L'ville, Syracuse, Pitt, USF] and a basketball league [G'town, Nova, Seton Hall, St. John's, Providence, Marquette, DePaul].  If Notre Dame is still in the Big East...put them in the hoops conference.  If they bolt, like I said they should, then get Temple in the conference.  They really don't wanna be in the MAC, do they? 

*MAKE THE "PLAY IN GAME" FEATURE TWO BUBBLE TEAMS.  The NCAA has this "play in" game every year that essentially pits the two worst teams that made the NCAA field in Dayton...with the winner playing a #1 seed.  No fair!!  Those teams got automatic bids into the tournament...they shouldn't have to sit at the kids table!!!  Make those bubble teams we read about [and, errrr, some of us spend a ton of time writing about] have to play that game...with the winner playing a #5 seed in the tournament.  Maybe UAB and No. Iowa should have met in the play in game. 

*STOP THE NFL WEATHER REPORTS.  I know, I know....the betters love them.  But the NFL "hates" betters.  Yeah right.  Anyways, I don't need an update on the weather situation in every game.  I'm not sitting there with my phone in my hand and a credit card number ready to lay down a bet if it is sunny in Chicago. 

*MAKE THE NBA FIGURE OUT SOME NEW SONGS.  For all those who've attended NBA games...we all know the songs.  The "If your happy and you know it" ditty that plays while your team is bringing up the ball.  The stomping "defense" song.  And what NBA game is complete without the "Mexican hat" song.  Figure out something else!!!

*STOP CALLING YOUR HOME THE "PIT", THE "HOLE" OR THE "JUNGLE".  I just hate those names. 

                          

*STOP WITH THOSE POP UP ADS ON TV.  Look...I know that the Simpsons will be on after the Skins-Giants game.  I mean, the show has been on Fox for 18 years!!!!  I think everyone in America is aware that the Simpson are on at 8pm on Sunday!!!  And I can't wait to see the promo for the Simpson's Treehouse Of Horror XVIII being advertised for 10 weeks.  I mean, how many of us actually watched SPRING BREAK SHARK ATTACK after it popped up 4000 times during the NCAA Tournament??

*SPEAKING OF FOX, STOP PLANTING YOUR SHOW'S STARS IN THE CROWD!  Fox is known for that crap.  Here I am, watching the World Series...and I get a shot of the kids from The OC at the game.  Or...any new show they have coming up.  Do I watch a boxing bout on Showtime and the flash a picture of the gang from Queer As Folk near ringside???  No! 

*GET RID OF THE NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST.  It has run it's course and it no longer is exciting.  Unless you place a $5M prize for it....no respectable dunker will even enter the thing.  Remember, this is the primadonna NBA where everyone thinks they are the best player in the league.  It meant something when I was a teenager, but now it is retreads of old dunks.  And since the new dunkers are more athletic...it even makes the old dunkers look lame.  I mean, we saw the white Brent Barry do the Michael Jordan and Dr. J "free throw line dunk". 

*MAKE THE ROAD TEAM JERSEYS HAVE THE CITY'S NAME ON IT.  I know, most do already.  But it should be law. 

*CHANGE THE BALTIMORE RAVENS LOGO.  Look....you guys got cool colors [black and purple], a cool gothic name and a cool team.  So why is there a magpie on your helmet??  Oh, because it was better that the B with wings you originally had.  Look, Ray Lewis doesn't need that thing on his helmet. 

                        

*MAKE MLB MANAGERS WEAR NORMAL CLOTHES.  Why on Earth do managers wear jerseys??  NBA coaches look like they are heading off to a business meeting.  NFL coaches look like, well, NFL coaches.  So why do baseball skippers have to goo into those tight pants and jersey??  Imagine Rick Majerus wearing a hoops uni on the sideline??  Or Mike Shanahan with a helmet and pads on.  It is stupid. 

*WHY DON'T WE HAVE A TOUR D'AMERICA?  Maybe because cycling doesn't play well here....but why not have a cycling tour here?  It can start in Boston and end in San Francisco or something.  I mean, in the Tour de France, all we get to see is "french countryside" which is like saying "corn fields" over here.  We could name it the "Cannonball Run"....and instead of a yellow jersey, they could be able to drink their water from a pimp cup. 

*BAN GARTH BROOKS AND KEVIN COSTNER FROM SPRING TRAINING.  We get it...you love baseball.  But stop taking coaches time from real baseball players by having your own fantasy camp.  Move on.