Monday, November 8, 2004

Cliche....Or Not To Cliche

There is nothing more annoying…and prevalent…in sports than a good ol’ fashioned cliché. Just watch any post game news conference and they pop up all over the place. So…I thought I’d “take one for the team” and offer up some I my …..uh….favorites.

“Gave it 110%!!”. That is one of the dumbest phrases out there. Not only is it impossible to give 110%…but why is it just the extra 10%??? Why not “we gave 500% today?? I mean, that means you gave more than everyone else. And if you give it 110 % today….then are you just loafing all of the other times??? And, once you gave 110%…is that not, now, your 100%??? Where are you Albert Einstein??

“You just can’t say enough about him.” Um….apparently you can, or you wouldn’t have had to reach back for that old stand-by. Or, you just don’t feel like saying anything about him….so you’re trying to duck out of the topic.

“Everyone is on the same page.” What page?? What book?? How about…everyone is doing their job in sync??? That’s much better.

“We are backed in a corner” or “backs against the wall“. This, I guess, refers to when an animal is backed up….it has to defend itself no matter what. Cute….but what does this have to do with sports? I mean, this is usually stated during playoff time….so it tends to mean a team is on the brink of elimination. Of course, you are really not backed into any corner….since each game stands on it’s own. If you win enough of those games…you can win the series.

“Great team chemistry” or “they are the true definition of TEAM“. I really hate this one. First off…there are many instances where teams with poor chemistry wins championships. I mean, look at the Lakers’ three-peat. Or those Oakland A’s teams. Also, there are many teams that have great chemistry that amount to absolutely nothing. And the “true definition of team” garbage just means that there is no elite star on the team….so a bunch of nobodies won.

“They know how to win.” This has been said about the Lakers, Yankees, Red Wings and others. Unless you are a lowly NCAA football team….then you know how to win. The Dolphins are 1-7...and they know how to win. They’ve won one. What it means is that you’ve been successful in the past….which really has no bearing on the present or future. I mean, the Yankees certainly “know how to win”…but it hasn’t helped them over the “winning-ignorant” Diamondbacks, Angels, Marlins and Red Sox, has it?? Of course, everyone knows how to lose.

“We need to generate some offense”. No duh. That’s the whole concept of sport…..scoring more.

“Shock the world!!!” No offense…but nothing shocks the world in sports. If the Miami Dolphins beat the New England Patriots….yeah, it would shock us football fans. But I doubt some farmer in Albania will look at his newspaper and scream “THE DOLPHINS DID IT!!! OH MY GOD!!!”

“We’ve got nothing to lose”. Phooey. Everyone has something to lose. How about….uh….the game???

“One game at a time.” This is dumb on so many levels. First, of course you are taking it one game at a time. You can only win the one game you are playing. But…in reality…you don’t take it one game at a time. I mean, managers watch pitch counts….coaches rest their running backs….etc. Like I’ve always said….players should worry about the GAME being played. The manager should worry about the SEASON the team is in. The general manager and front office should worry about the FUTURE of the franchise. Fans always care about the PAST.

Anything said by a coach/player when he goes into the locker room before…or out of the locker room after halftime. There has been a recent trend of swearing on live TV. Much of that comes because it is some weasel’s job to run on the field and hunt down a player for a quick comment right after he gets done playing. And why do we care what these people have to say?? It is the same thing. The team winning says “we just gotta keep doing what we are doing” while the trailing team says “we’ll go in and make some adjustments.” Thank God we get these inside tips!!

“Came to play”. Don’t you just love it when an athlete says “we just came to play today.” What is that?? I mean, there are some out there [Sammy Sosa] that come to the stadium, but really didn’t come to play. But, if you showed up in uniform…then I guess you came to play.

“Upside”. Don’t you love an athlete that has ‘upside’??? What that tends to mean is that this player isn’t really good right now….but he COULD be down the road. Upside is the red-headed stepchild of “potential”.

“World Champions”. You know, really, only the NBA champs are technically crowned “world champs”. The NFL champs are the “Super Bowl champs”. The MLB title holders are the “World Series champs”. The NHL winners are the “Stanley Cup champs”. But, aside from Canada….how are they really “world champs”??? I mean, in Little League…you win your local tournament, state regional, state finals, national regional then national finals to get your NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP trophy. But, winners in the pro sports are just “league champions”…and nothing else. Maybe, just maybe, the NFL can slide on this one….since the only other football leagues are the CFL and NFL-Europe.

“First, I’d like to thank God…for without him none of this is possible.” While, that may be a true statement to make for a religious minded fellow….it has no relevance in sport. I always find it amazing that God always roots for the team that ends up winning. You get variations of this with “we had God on our side.” God may have given you that ability…but God didn’t block for you so you could throw that 35 yard TD pass. And God loves everyone…so why would God make people fumble or miss shots??

“Can’t Beat Steelers!!!!” Well, that isn’t a cliché…but an annoying thing about sports. Not that statement…but look at it. CBS…Can’t Beat Steelers. Ha.. Don’t you love it when fans cleverly use the letters of the network’s name and make it into an acronym about their team??? And the networks eat it up and stick them on telecasts…pretty much ensuring that we’ll always have this retardation around forever.

Dumping Gatorade or Tearing Down Goalposts or Running On To The Field/Court. This MUST stop. The Gatorade dump in football is so cliché now that it is darn near as routine as the timeout. Coach gets a big win…or just A win. So some player always distracts the coach while two others sneak up to give him his electrolyte shower. Brilliant. Oh, and college fans…stop running onto the field after a big win….or any win.





1 comment:

suicidalnotex said...

Ahahah, nice.  The who article made me chuckle. =)