"DESPERATE" APOLOGIES

Here is my take on this whole Monday Night Football Meets Desperate Housewives flap.

It is totally out of hand. As Tommy Lee Jones said in “Men In Black”….a person is smart but people are dumb. Meaning….a person can usually make his own decision about anything that goes on in his life. But, most people aren’t offended by something until they are told they were supposed to have been. Like, if you see a group of people running for their lives….you tend to start running too.

Here is how I witnessed the latest American Atrocity. I was at work….in the break room eating my dinner when the MNF game came on. I saw the intro with Terrell Owens and one of the women from the Desperate Housewives. We watched the whole thing….and all of us were rolling with laughter. Now, there was male, female, white, black, Japanese, young, old, hip, old fashioned, sports fans, non-sports fans, married, single, with and without children. Pretty much the whole demographic was there. Well….all but one [I’ll get to that point in a minute].

The one demographic that wasn’t with me in my break room to watch the game was…..a child. Now, I guess that a parent sitting at home watching that intro with their child had to feel a little uncomfortable. I understand that when watching a sporting event…you really weren’t planning on having a little innuendo before the first snap. But….this is sports…and the main demographic is MALE, ages 18-34. Well, 18-34 males aren’t the ones complaining about the skit. What this skit was designed to do was to, possibly, pull some 18-34 year old guys over to Desperate Housewives on Sundays. The wife can watch the drama….and you can watch the towels drop. That’s what ABC wanted. Heck, ABC got more than what they wanted since this is Friday and it is still an issue. And it will be interesting to see the ratings for Desperate Housewives this Sunday. Needless to say…those “offended people” weren’t going to watch that show anyways.

The NFL, in its same public relations stance, is disappointed at the skit. Of course. This is a league that fines players who socks aren’t pulled up all the way….or wear a non-NFL hat during postgame interviews. They frown on celebrations….and wearing a fallen soldier’s number on your helmet. Fine….rules are rules. But, DO NOT TELL ME that the NFL had no knowledge of the content of this sketch. I mean, Owens was in his Eagles uniform in the Eagles locker room. The NFL has to approve stuff like that. And, apparently, they did.

So, now the NFL is backpedaling….as they did when Janet Jackson’s wardrobe fell off her body. They publicly frown on bad lights shined upon them…but behind the scenes they are happy about the light on them in general. The NFL makes statements that they don’t condone such filth. Well….except for those lucrative beer commercials where women swoon over guys with a cool beer. Oh…or when the cameras zoom in on those cheerleaders….and that night was the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, arguably the most famous cheering squad in pro sports. 

NFL, please!!! You act like it is horrible that sex and football mix. You’re ad guys know that more women love the NFL than any other league. Hey….and check out NFL.com. On there….you can vote for the LEVITRA PLAY OF THE WEEK [www.nfl.com/playoftheweek]. Levitra is a drug for erectile dysfunction. Levitra, on the NFL’s site…is also running a contest where you can win tickets to the Super Bowl. Another erectile dysfunction drug….Cialis…had a commercial during the Super Bowl going on about 4-hour erections. I can see a Lablatts Blue commercial where a bear goes looking for his ball in a lady’s bedroom. When he shows his beer…the lady is intrigued to have Mr. Bear stick around for a while. Or how about…..those twins!

The NFL has dealt with a WR killing his pregnant girlfriend [Curruth], drug convicitions all over the league....and one of the biggest names in the NFL quit in the summer to smoke dope in Asia. 

Now….I really don’t understand the deal of the FCC looking in to this. The FCC has been on a crusade since the Super Bowl halftime show this past winter. Since then, radio disk jockeys and TV stations have been quivering in their boots. Many have 10 second delays so a Shaq or Dale Earnhardt Jr. won’t get caught dropping “s” bombs. So…why investigate the NFL for lewdness? I mean, those sound dishes pick up more “s-bombs” and “f-bombs” along with close-ups of coaches cussing out officials. If you look at the fall schedule….you’ll find that on other nights at 9pm [which is when MNF comes on], there are shows that have way more racier content. “The Batchelor” is on Wednesdays at 9 and is full of skanky women backstabbing each other to gain the….uh, love….of one man. Or from noon until 4.…you can see worse than that on The Stories [aka Soap Operas]. If the FCC is so into correcting what I can watch and hear….then tell them to kick these reality shows out of here.

I mean…what is the difference if that skit was done on the “set” of Survivor?? Or on King Of Queens??

Take your meds, NFL. This isn’t the XFL where you had cheerleaders soaking in a hot tub. It was a minor skit that was more funny than offensive.