I was reading my newest edition of Entertainment Weekly when I came upon Stephen King's column where he just flips around his TV and says what's on each channel. Not what show....but what is on during those 10 seconds he flipped there.
So, I want to do the same. I am a DirecTV customer and have the entire sports lineup that I am paying for. What can a sports nut at 4:45 am count on? Below I will answer that with a list of most of the sports channels I have [since many showed the same infomercials, I didn't list them all].
Here we go:
ESPN: Aussie Open. Two dudes are volleying and making noises of forced man love. Not to my liking.
ESPNews: Highlights of the Sixers smacking up the Hornets.
ESPNClassic: The 2004 World Series of Poker. I swear, if not for the WSOP and Cheap Seats....would there be an ESPNClassic??
ESPN2: A promo for Grey's Anatomy. Don't watch the show...and the term "McDreamy" makes me want to honk. Dude was the pizza boy in Loverboy. He ain't "McDreamy"
NFL Network: A nice chit-chat about the story of the New Orleans Saints this year. Truly and amazing story.
NBA-TV: A replay of the Suns-Wizards game from earlier in the day. Phoenix smacked the Wiz around.
TVG: That's the horse racing channel. Ah, a promo for Bowflex. Right now, I'd be willing to bet that I have 25 channels showing a Bowflex at this moment.
VERSUS: I see three dudes with all kinds of sponsors on their jackets....fishing. I don't fish, never wanted to fish, don't eat fish, don't like fish.
FUEL: A bunch of burned out neo-hippies in the woods trying to do something with a skateboard or something.
MSG NETWORK: Man! I can make a fortune just sitting at home and selling real estate! If I buy a ticket to hear someone talk about a "pyramid of success", I will be rich!!!!
YES NETWORK: The Sleep Number Bed. Nice. The best thing to have on TV for people who can't go to sleep.
NESN: The Sonic Blade. Not advised to use when still thinking of that Sleep Number Bed.
SNY: The folks at Sports New York are worried about my credit card debt.
MID ATLANTIC SPORTS NETWORK: No kidding. They are showing "Washington Nationals Classics". The team has been around for two seasons and have sucked!! They have no classics. I mean, how many games can they have to choose from???
FSN-PITTSBURGH: Some chick in a bikini wading around in a pool asking people about these sunglasses. Ah, the Blue Blockers.
COMCAST: Christie Brinkley and Chuck Norris show up about the Total Gym. Chuck Norris says it tastes great!
FSN-DETROIT: Some British dude is telling me how to clean my home by using some sweeper thing.
FSN-ARIZONA: Apparantly there is a system to making a mint on Ebay. As if the concept of garage sales hadn't crossed anyone's minds. Look, the key to Ebay is to buy in-demand items up...duh.
FSN-ROCKY MOUNTAIN: Wesley Snipes talking about not trusting someone. Like, your baby's mama? The IRS? Oh! It's another Total Gym.
FSN-WEST an FSN-WEST 2: Here is the legendary [in his own mind] Van Earl Wright. The dude who thinks his own voice is funny. Especially to the people of "Los An-gul-lez"
FSN-BAY AREA: A commercial for Hooters. Now, why do I need a Hooters commercial at, now, 5:10am???
FSN-EVERYWHERE ELSE: Sonic Blades, Total Gyms, Sleep Numbers, Glasses.
ALTITUDE: Something called the Sled Head. People racing sleds.
And there you have it. Nothing is on. I guess I'll have to flip over to Nick at Nite and watch another episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Peace.
1 comment:
I didn't think I'd like fishing, either... untilI caught my first bluefish.
Your problem is that you live in Ohio or Kentucky or something... while you may get a huge catfish from time to time, generally you're "going down to the fishing hole,and hook in you a bluegill or a tommycodder." Catch a 4 foot fish,and you'll be a lot more down with the sport.
Keep in mind... when I say Ilike fishing... I don't bait the hooks, or take a fish off the hook when I catch one. That's what husbands are for.
You may have seen this in my blog, but my hub once caught a big striper while sitting on my couch, watching Pats/Bucs one summer. I bet you'd like THAT kind of fishing.
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