Wednesday, March 15, 2017
The Annoying People In Bracket Pools
It is bracket time again, so people all across our great land are taking pen or pencil to brackets at hoping for the best. They reason, they debate, they flip a coin. Most of all, they think they are correct. They go to blogs and websites to get that last bit of info to make their selections.
This isn't that post.
This is for those people who collect the brackets. Those people who tirelessly print the brackets, make copies, convince people to enter a sheet in, chase people down for their money and enter in all the results into some sort of program ... or do the scoring themselves.
Here are the people you are likely to deal with this week and this is just to let you know, you're not alone.
WHAT'S THIS?: There's nothing like when you hand someone a bracket and they respond this way. If you don't know by now, you never will.
THE "FLORDIA" PEOPLE: Isn't it something when people cannot spell Florida? It is sometimes "Floirda" or "Florda" but usually I see "Flordia". First off, you should be able to spell every single state with the exception of Massachusetts and Connecticut with relative ease. Plus, it is only printed in type in the line right next to your dumb spelling.
THE NUMBERS PEOPLE: I love those people that refuse to write the names of the teams in the lines but instead write their seedings. So you get those 1s and 5s and 12s all over the place so it is awesome when you get to enter that sheet into a database. Plus I love when they have two #1s facing off in the Final Four and write "1" as the winner. Thanks.
I'LL GET THE MONEY TO YOU ... : We all know this. Those people who just never have the $5 or whatever to pay. It is the Final Four and you are still telling me to wait until payday? Great. God forbid they actually have a shot to win because they'll just hang onto their money with the ol' "well, you'd be giving it back to me anyway" jive. Oh, and those late payers are usually the ones who are up your butt when they do win and complainin when all the money hadn't been collected yet.
CAN YOU MAKE A COPY FOR ME: No. I can't. If you can't rewrite your brackets on another sheet for yourself, take a picture with your phone or find a copying machine to make your own, why must I do it for you? Am I your mother?
THE 2:00 SHEET: You always have someone a couple hours after the first game started handing you a sheet. "Well, I couldn't find you and I had the sheet done before the tournament started." Yeah, but you will end up winning and telling everyone you turned your sheet in late. Thanks for that.
ABBREVS THAT D'T MAKE SENSE: Like that. I can get with the UKs, KUs, OSUs, UNCs and G'towns. I can get with state abbreviations like NC, FL or IN. But what is L'lle? Or Mhst?
WHO'S WINNING? It is Thursday night on the first night of the Dance and you are asking who is in first in the standings. What does that matter now? That's like on Opening Day figuring out all the playoff scenarios in the baseball postseason. Too soon, bruh.
THE CRITIC: People who look at people's Final Four picks and immediately slam them. Look, Wichita State got there a few years back so who knows what picks are smart or dumb.
MULTIPLE BRACKETS: Now, I don't care about people turning in as many brackets as they want. But if you filled out 10 and had on one of them Florida Gulf Coast beating Georgetown, don't go around claiming your superiority over everyone in the bracket pool.
PROMISE UNFULFILLED: There is nothing better than the person who spends Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday telling you how deeply they've been working on their brackets, breaking down to you why they picked who they picked, feeding you what some website said ... and then doesn't turn in a sheet. C'mon man!
NON-BASKETBALL PERSON: It is like the Super Bowl -- everyone gets in on it even if you haven't watched a second of it all season long. But some of those people wanna chat you up as if they are Clark Kellogg or Billy Packer. This sheet they turned in makes them feel as if they are a big-time poker player on a weekend bender in Vegas and they can't handle it.
WHOSE RELATIVES?: I don't care if your entire family fills out one, but please put down somewhere on the sheet that you are the one handing it in. I will forget who this sheet belongs to about 20 minutes after you hand it to me. So I have no idea who it belongs to three weeks later.
UPSETS GALORE: These people you feel sorry for. That guy or gal that knows nothing about basketball or how the bracket works yet fills one out with two No. 15 seeds in the Final Four with a No. 8 seed winning it all. Some years, that No. 8 seed works out for them. Most of the time it doesn't and they have either that proud look of confidence or that scared look of getting involved in something you're not ready for. Either way, you have to fake a smile and tell them it could happen. "Ya never know".
I WAS IN IT UNTIL ... : Look, there are over 100 sheets in this thing. I don't remember your sheet off the top of my head. So don't come in telling me about how close you had things if (a) broke one way and (b) broke another and (c) happened instead. It didn't.
FORGOT TO FILL IN THE BLANKS: You usually spent the entire week carefully making your picks. And then you leave some blanks ... blank. Thanks. It really isn't hard to fill out the entire bracket. Oh, and thank you in advance for calling me up during the Sweet 16 to decide to make a pick then, and then get mad at me for telling you it is too late.
THE FIRST FOUR GUY: Usually we just throw out the first four games. Hey, you won them all. But someone always advances BOTH TEAMS FROM THE GAME!
WHO DO I NEED TO ROOT FOR?: How about the teams you picked?