Thursday, December 9, 2004

Michigan Lineman Suspended For Whacking


Don’t you love college athletics??

In the pro game….usually the police wire has domestic assaults, drugs, sexual misconduct, DUI, shooting your limo driver in the chest…etc. Sure, those happen in the college game as well. But, the college kids also have those great immature foul ups….and every year some school gets a nice streak going.

This year it is those mighty Michigan Wolverines.

Michigan, who in their last game was smacked by their rivals Ohio State, is having a whale of a time lately. Their all-Big Ten offensive lineman got rowdy in a bar, took a leak on the floor, did the “do you know who I am” rant…and spent a night in the hole. Yeah…that’s something out of a bad college football movie [see: Unnecessary Roughness]. But…I haven’t seen this next act in a movie.

Wolverine defensive lineman Larry Harrison was suspended from the team after being charged with indecent exposure. He was caught masturbating on the porch of a house occupied by several women one night. Yeah….a peeping tom who got caught “going a few rounds with the bald headed champ“. And by ‘caught’, I mean the cops actually caught him in the act.

But that’s not all. Because of getting caught…he is now the main suspect in 15 other indecent exposure cases in the campus area.  Reports say that a man would knock on the window of women's homes to get their attention...then "rub one out" while having a t-shirt over his head.  If this is true….than this guy is a very, very, very sick individual. A serial masturbator/stalker.

This isn’t the kicker, waterboy or backup receiver. I mean….this is a DEFENSIVE LINEMAN for one of the most prestigious programs in college sports…and he is going around “peeling some chilies” in front of women’s homes. Undercover police who’ve been investigating those previous complaints of the serial whacker noticed Harrison’s car in the neighborhood. They saw the car again Monday night sitting outside a house where female students of UM where living. They observed Harrison “flogging the dolphin” while watching the women thru a window and arrested him on the scene. Harrison posted bail and was placed inthe custody of his father.

So, a guy who should be preparing for the Rose Bowl against a tough Texas team instead sits at home because he spent the season spanking the monkey in front of chick's dorms. 

I almost wish it was drugs, DUI, etc. 


treesoup1 said...

LoL. The guy's been having his own little pep rally every week huh?

monponsett said...

The good news? Those girls won't have to water-seal the deck for like 15 years...